12/11/2025

By Lance Hardwood

Congrats, Biffonians, you’ve entered the timeline where Biff Tannen runs everything like a scam, where gambling is just called ‘economics,’ and the Great Depression doesn’t exist because a dude who shits himself calls anything he disagrees with, stupid. Though, it has to be said, Biff would probably call reporters butt-heads instead of stupid.

Alas, the point remains.

If you voted for this, you were warned.

You were told about Donald Trump’s extensive career in scam-artistry; you were told about all the times Donnie didn’t pay the contractors who helped build his sham empire; you were informed that he evicted tenants just so he could jack up prices; and it was explained that many of the companies Donald opened were merely shells used to evade taxes.

One could go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and dammit we could just keep going.

But there’s no reason to continue, because none of that matters. Not anymore.

This is what you voted for.

You wanted to be conned, to lose benefits so the government could pump up big corporations, to have your tax dollars wasted. You. Wanted. This.

So, color me shocked when you started whining (Shocked is a shade electric blue, by the way, and I’ll hear no arguements otherwise).

Also, that’s a joke. Nothing about our current situation is shocking when you consider that, according to National University, 46% of U.S. adults had a literacy proficiency at or above Level 3.

And that was in 2023.

In 2025, we’re unlikely to get significant or accurate statistics because Donnie no likey numbers. Just look at the jobs report. You can’t. Or rather, you can choose to believe the actual numbers, or you can choose to believe Donnie’s numbers. You can choose the statistics provided by Erika McEntarfer, who was fired. Or you can choose the numbers provided by one of Trump’s many sycophants. And guess what, when the next jobs report comes back with bad news again, DJT will probably fire that sycophant and hire another.

See, it’s like the graphic novel, Joker, written around the time the late Heath Ledger reprised the role. I’m paraphrasing here, but the Joker tells this tale about a guy he knew, a joke of a guy. The story goes something like, the guy tried to drive his car all the way around the world, and every time he failed, he beat the car with a crowbar (probably) then set it on fire and rolled it into the sea, blaming the automobile for his inability to make a trip around the world.

Do you see where this is going?

America is the automobile, and Trump is the driver who thinks it’s the cars fault for not making it around the world, across oceans, foreign countries with borders, across more oceans, then back again…car’s fault…America’s fault.

Yeah, yeah, I know I started with Biff Tannen and then ended with the Joker, so let me wrap this thing up quickly. The Joker is, at the very least, a cool villain; the perfect foil to the grim justice of Batman. Biff Tannen, by contrast, is a butt-head who calls other people butt-head. Biff Tannen is the type of man with sycophants, and not because he’s cool-but because he cruel, and stupid, and ignorant, and at the end of the day, it’s great fun to turn your brain off and be a heathen. It must be, because this government is a circus of clowns and con-artists, a parade of sycophantic ignoramuses.
And that should worry everyone.
It should worry you that the two sides of Donald Trump are the petulant brutish side, Biff Tannen, and the agent of chaos, the clown prince of crime, the Joker. But with none of the movie-like traits, none of the pizzaz, none of the cool or comedic relief that comes with those characters. This is real life.

But here I am writing another article about how bad it’s gotten, wishing someone would explain to the president of the United freakin’ States that, “Bloated walruses who wear orange aren’t in season anymore.”

Someone should tell the bully in the Whitehouse. Though, I don’t think he’ll take to it kindly.

He might even call you stupid.

Well, in the immortal words of Forrest Gump, “Stupid is as stupid does.”

And if that’s the case, then this country has become pretty stupid under the Trump circus, because this guy has done nothing but stupid since before 2016. He’s been stupid. So now I’m left wondering, are the citizens of the United States stupid?

You don’t want to see the data on this. I assure you.